Massachusetts has been my home for the past 8 months. Upon moving, I was so thrilled and ecstatic to finally live on my own in a city that was so unlike Vegas.
Looking back now, I have experienced more things in those 8 months than I ever could back home. Working my ass off 6/7 days a week for bills that I wouldn’t otherwise have had back home, tending to responsibilities I also wouldn’t have had otherwise, + meeting new people has changed me. Most for the better. Some, however, just fed my cynicism.
I think I’ve gotta take note that people here are so strikingly different from the crowd back home, however.. back at home, people were always welcoming and so friendly. Here, people seem a bit self-interested/aloof so it was harder connecting to and making new friendships. I think so far I’ve only made one friendship during those 8 months - a light one, at that too. Light chats, light laughs - that’s probably all I could recount from that.
I’ve been so busy working that it was getting harder and harder to see the worth of it all. I experienced so much, yes - especially the working + responsibility aspects of living here, but not so much on the other end of the spectrum, such as actually getting to see what this city is about and/or getting to know the people here.
Very bittersweet - that’s about all that I could feel confidently about it all. I’m pretty stoked to come back to Las Vegas, though - I get to see my other babies (pups) that I left back home, and this time I get to bring Haru (my 6 month old Siberian Husky) home with me!
This post was a a bit on the reflection side. I’ll attttempt to post more happy thoughts in the near future.
It’s been a while since I’ve last written. Almost a year, or probably more.
Anyway, thanks for listening to the thoughts of a struggling 19 year old. Goodnight.
1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.
2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.
3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.
4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.
6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.
7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.
“You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.”—Elizabeth Taylor (via psych-facts)
“He promised her that he would give her everything, everything she wanted, as men in love always do. And she trusted him despite herself, as women in love always do.”—Philippa Gregory, The White Queen (via quotes-shape-us)
“Everything you do right now ripples outward and affects everyone. Your posture can shine your heart or transmit anxiety. Your breath can radiate love or muddy the room in depression. Your glance can awaken joy. Your words can inspire freedom. Your every act can open hearts and minds.”—David Deida (via wethinkwedream)
“I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow; but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.”—Agatha Christie (via perfect)
“So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered. I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.”—John Green (via thatkindofwoman)
“We are very good at preparing to live, but not very good at living. We know how to sacrifice ten years for a diploma, and we are willing to work very hard to get a job, a car, a house, and so on. But we have difficulty remembering that we are alive in the present moment, the only moment there is for us to be alive”—Thich Nhat Hanh (via creatingaquietmind)
“When you don’t have many friends and you don’t have a social life you’re kind of left looking at things, not doing things. There’s a weird freedom in not having people treat you like you’re part of society or where you have to fulfill social relationships.”—Tim Burton (via emysphotograph)
The problem, often not discovered until late in life, is that when you look for things in life like love, meaning, motivation, it implies they are sitting behind a tree or under a rock. The most successful people in life recognize, that in life they create their own love, they manufacture their own meaning, they generate their own motivation.
For me, I am driven by two main philosophies, know more today about the world than I knew yesterday. And lessen the suffering of others. You’d be surprised how far that gets you.
Lately days have been counted instead of made count. Lately, negativity has become my own enemy. Lately, I’ve been at a loss.
And I find myself in dire need of refinement. It’s the first month of a new year, the second semester of a school year - and typically, I use those to my advantage by attempting to start anew, to start fresh. But it’s only this time that I seem to have given up on that for reasons I cannot yet decipher.
Words can only be words for so long.. Action is needed now.