I'm Gaby.

Welcome to buried thoughts 6-feet under, compiled into a collection of the unexpressed.
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Tomorrow, you promise yourself, will be different, yet, tomorrow is too often a repetition of today. And you disappoint yourself again and again. James T. Mckay (via rebreathing)

(Source: stxxz.us, via karensayswoah)


Massachusetts has been my home for the past 8 months. Upon moving, I was so thrilled and ecstatic to finally live on my own in a city that was so unlike Vegas. 

Looking back now, I have experienced more things in those 8 months than I ever could back home. Working my ass off 6/7 days a week for bills that I wouldn’t otherwise have had back home, tending to responsibilities I also wouldn’t have had otherwise, + meeting new people has changed me. Most for the better. Some, however, just fed my cynicism. 

I think I’ve gotta take note that people here are so strikingly different from the crowd back home, however.. back at home, people were always welcoming and so friendly. Here, people seem a bit self-interested/aloof so it was harder connecting to and making new friendships. I think so far I’ve only made one friendship during those 8 months - a light one, at that too. Light chats, light laughs - that’s probably all I could recount from that.

I’ve been so busy working that it was getting harder and harder to see the worth of it all. I experienced so much, yes - especially the working + responsibility aspects of living here, but not so much on the other end of the spectrum, such as actually getting to see what this city is about and/or getting to know the people here. 

Very bittersweet - that’s about all that I could feel confidently about it all. 
I’m pretty stoked to come back to Las Vegas, though - I get to see my other babies (pups) that I left back home, and this time I get to bring Haru (my 6 month old Siberian Husky) home with me! 

This post was a a bit on the reflection side. I’ll attttempt to post more happy thoughts in the near future. 

It’s been a while since I’ve last written. Almost a year, or probably more. 

Anyway, thanks for listening to the thoughts of a struggling 19 year old. 

1. Date a boy who makes you happy, but marry him only if he makes you laugh deep-belly rumbles that hurt your ribs as they expand outwards. Date him when he sees that you’re hurting and he gives you a moment to feel that pain like a handprint spreading across your consciousness, marry him only if he can make you smile even while you’re gross sobbing. The world is not a kind place. You will feel a lot of pain. Make sure you are with someone who makes it all bearable. Humor is an excellent gauge of intelligence. Life gets boring. Find someone who makes the banal interesting.

2. Make sure he has scars on the back of his hands, it’s a good sign he has experience either fighting or making things - creation is an act of selflessness and bruised knuckles are a good sign he knows how to defend himself. You’ve got too much soul to be handled by someone who has never been passionate. If he’s never thrown a punch, let him at least have tasted the insanity of bringing an idea into existence. Rough palms are better than soft ones, they have been salted by this earth and made into leather. Callouses are evidence he has lived, that he has broken skin and been in pain over and over and over again and still came back to the source of it. People rub against each other. Don’t marry him if he can’t handle even a little blister.

3. Before you say yes, get him angry. See him scared, see him wanting,see him sick. Stress changes a person. Find out if he drinks and if he does, get him drunk - you’ll learn more about his sober thoughts. Discover his addictions. See if he puts you in front of them. You can’t change people, baby girl. If they are made one way, it doesn’t just wear off. If you hate how he acts when he’s out of it now, you’re going to hate it much worse eight years down the road. You might love him to bits but it doesn’t change that some people just don’t fit.

4. Trust your instincts. If he ever makes you feel unsafe, don’t make excuses, just get up and leave. That’s all there is to it. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

5. If he puts money before you, he’ll keep pushing you to the bottom of the pile until you become his last priority. It’s one thing if he can’t afford what you want, it’s another if he has the cash but won’t spring for a box of chicken mcnuggets. Money and love are arch enemies. 62% of divorces occur due to economic strain. Make sure keeping you is more important than his 401k.

6. How a man treats animals is a good indicator of how he treats children. If you see him raise a hand to a dog, pack your things into a little black bag. Animals at their worst are only half as annoying as a toddler on their best behaviour. Your kids will be beautiful, but they will also misbehave. Same goes for waiters and hotel maids - if he’s rude to those who are working for minimum wage, it says a lot about how he sees himself. Patience is rare and so important. If he’s not forgiving to a dog, he’s not good for your kids.

7. If he isn’t in awe of you, he doesn’t deserve you. You are my little girl and you were born perfect. If he can’t see that, it’s his loss. There is someone who thinks your flaws power his heart. Be strong. If he asks you to change, be like like rock of your birthstone, do not waver. You are wondrous just the way that you are.

My father’s recipe for the man I should marry (part 1/2 of a series). /// r.i.d  (via fearlessknightsandfairytales)

(via sincerelyparkerbryn)


"Medicine by Daughter

You could still be,
What you want to,
What you said you were,
When I met you.

You’ve got a warm heart,
You’ve got a beautiful brain.
But it’s disintegrating

(via beautifail)